Super Bed of Awesome
by serenelystrange
Summary: OR - How Hardison Got Laid. A Lot. OT3. Sequel to 'Beds, Boys and a Certian Bitty Blonde.' Takes place in season 2 sometimes. Sophie's gone, Tara's new. Nate isnt in a good place. Hope you like, : Some bad language.


A/N – Hey lookie, more OT3. More obvious in this one, but still not graphic. Sequel to 'Beds, Boys and a Certain Bitty Blonde.' Takes place a few weeks after that one. Sophie is still gone, and Tara is new.

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"Don't be mad."

Hardison grinned sheepishly at the matching expressions of 'what did you do?' on both Parker and Eliot's faces.

"What did you do?" Eliot demanded.

Hardison almost rolled his eyes at the predictability, but Parker's apartment had too many sharp objects that Eliot could easily turn into weapons. As well as some blunt objects, and wooden objects, and soft objects, and OK, maybe Eliot could turn anything into a weapon, and OK maybe he didn't actually need a weapon at all, but yeah.

Hardison shook himself of his internal monologue, bringing his attention back to his lovers.

And there went his brain again. _Lovers? Girlfriend and boyfriend? Friends with benefits? _He wasn't sure what to call the three of them yet, but he pushed it away for the moment.

"Just... don't be mad," he glanced to Parker nervously, "I needed to take it apart to see how it worked, but when I'm done it's gonna be awesome, I swear!"

Eliot sighed wearily as Parker tensed, "What. Did. You. Do?" he asked firmly.

Hardison chose that moment to find a fascinating spot on the floor to stare at, which caused Eliot to visibly twitch with his resisting the urge to smack some sense into the boy.

Parker, however, decided to find out what was going on for herself.

She headed for the bedroom. Hardison cringed when he heard her gasp in shock as the door swung open.

"What did you do!" It wasn't quite a shriek, but it was as close as Parker could probably get to one.

"It's for us!" Hardison defended as he entered the room with Eliot close behind him.

Parker looked up at him from the floor, where she had taken seat among the ruins. "You cut my bed in half! How is that for us?"

She gathered some of the fluffy material in her arms and held it close, like a teddy bear. "Sally didn't do anything to you!"

It caught him off guard for a moment. "You named the bed Sally?" he asked, inching forward to sit in front of her.

Eliot moved silently to sit beside Parker and smirked when she rested her head on his shoulder as she looked at Hardison with sad eyes, nodding.

Hardison just rolled his eyes; he'd deal with Eliot and his cocky little smirk later. Repeatedly.

"Why...Sally?" he had to know, even if he really didn't want to.

"Because Sally the camel has three humps," she replied, before pouting again.

Eliot couldn't help the laughter that escaped from him, and continued even as Parker pulled away and shot him a dirty look.

Hardison however, frowned as he vaguely remembered the old rhyme from kindergarten.

"I'm sorry, baby, but I promise you'll love what I'm going to do," he said quietly, tracing random patterns across her knees.

Parker looked up warily, "What are you gonna do?"

Hardison grinned, "I'm gonna build us a SUPER-BED."

Parker's eyes lit up, "A super bed? Will it have a cape?"

Eliot groaned dropped his head to Parker's shoulder. Why did he put up with these two again?

Parker took that moment to nudge his head enough so that she could nip at his neck, just a little. Right, Eliot thought, that's why.

"No cape," Hardison replied, giving Eliot a smirk of his own, "But it's gonna have three sleep-number sections, one for each of us, so we can all be comfortable when we sleep. And it's gonna be fucking HUGE."

"I like huge," Parker nodded absently, completely oblivious to the snickering that Hardison and Eliot quickly stifled.

"We should get a good headboard, too," Eliot commented, glancing at the flimsy metal one in the room. "Something with a little more sturdiness."

"Ooh, then I can use my handcuffs!" Parker bounced happily, jostling Eliot. But he couldn't say he really minded.

"Who do you think you're gonna cuff to that bed?" Hardison asked, slightly scared of being completely vulnerable to Parker. He loved her, but the girl had some strange definitions of 'fun.'

Parker laughed, "No. I want you two to cuff _me_ to the bed."

Eliot moaned at the sudden onslaught of images that sentence put into his head. Hardison completely understood.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "Yes, a headboard is good, and yes Parker, handcuffs are awesome, but I need to build the bed first."

Eliot snorted, "You're going to _build_ something that's not made of ones and zeros?"

Hardison wasn't sure whether to be offended at Eliot's implication of his un-handy-ness or be impressed that Eliot understood the concept of binary.

He chose mildly offended. "I got skills," he retorted, "Skills you don't even know about."

"I know about them," Parker interrupted, "You have excellent fingers."

Eliot and Hardison just stared. Even now, she still had the ability to shock them with the things she said so plainly.

"What?" Parker looked confused, "He types really fast, and is really good at all sorts of wires and knots and stuff."

"Oh," Hardison laughed, feeling kind of dumb.

"Plus," Parker shrugged, "You can get me off in under a minute. That's a really good skill."

Eliot laughed so hard he actually choked on air, causing Parker to thwap him on the back repeatedly until he willed himself to stop, if only to cease her abuse.

"I...OK then," Hardison responded once Eliot stopped laughing.

"We should say goodbye to Sally," Parker grinned over at him with _that_ glint in her eyes.

She crawled into Eliot's lap, resting a knee on either side of him. Eliot busied himself with undoing the buttons of Parker's shirt.

Hardison found himself wondering if Parker was wearing more button ups these days purely because she knew they loved undoing them on her.

But then she was shirtless, and twisting impossibly to reach out and pull him over, and his silly questions didn't matter so much.

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"It's been a week!" Parker exclaimed as she and Eliot once again got a muffled 'not ready yet!' through the closed door of her bedroom.

"I'm sure he'll be done soon," Eliot soothed, "At least he better be, my bed is pretty big but there are just too many fucking bodies in it at once to get any sleep."

"They're not _always_ fucking bodies," Parker replied thoughtfully, "Ok, most of the time."

"There is something wrong with you," Eliot shook his head even as he gave her a genuine smile.

"You keep saying that," Parker frowned suddenly, as if she realized the connotation of the words.

Eliot's smile fell into a grimace, "Sweetheart, I don't mean anything by it. You know that, right?"

"I know," Parker worried her lip, "I just thought you liked the way I was."

"I do," Eliot said firmly, "I wouldn't want you any other way. You're Parker, _my _Parker. And you're perfect."

"You don't need to be so sweet to me," Parker glared, "I'm already sleeping with you."

Eliot ignored that and instead replied, "If I ever find whoever made you doubt yourself, I'm gonna hack them until there's nothing left to bury. Just so you know."

She gave him a small smile, "You can't kill everyone that was ever mean to me."

"Maybe not," Eliot accepted, "But if you ever need me to, you just give me the word."

"You're not a murderer, Eliot," Parker was suddenly serious again.

"I've killed a lot of people, Parker," Eliot responded quietly.

"You had to," Parker reasoned, "You would never kill somebody just to kill them."

"You don't know that," he argued.

Parker shrugged, "Maybe a few years ago you could have, but you're a good guy now, remember?"

"Sometimes I forget," Eliot admitted.

"We'll just have to keep reminding you," Parker grinned.

"I..." Eliot trailed off as a loud buzzing filled the air.

"He's using my chainsaw!" Eliot shouted over the noise, "I never said he could use that. The idiot is going to hurt himself."

"He's not an idiot," Parker felt compelled to point out, "In fact, I think he's probably in the genius I.Q range."

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Eliot exclaimed, rolling his eyes in frustration.

Parker just laughed as the buzzing went on.

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"It's been awfully quiet around here lately," Tara remarked as she walked into Nate's kitchen.

Nate ignored her, pointing to the envelope on the coffee table that held her latest paycheck.

"Still getting used to me, I see," Tara commented wryly, "Fine with me. As long as it's all here."

"It's all there," Nate replied in a monotone. He sipped slowly from the mug in his hand.

Sophie would have demanded to know what was in the mug. But Tara wasn't Sophie.

Hell, Sophie wasn't Sophie. And either way, Sophie was gone.

"Where are the others?" Tara asked, dropping her amused tone for a more curious one.

Nate shrugged, "Not here."

"Oook, then," Tara said, taking it as her cue to leave. "Until next time, _boss."_

She said in a tone that indicated that clearly conveyed that she saw him as anything but a boss, but Nate couldn't be bother to care.

The door didn't slam shut, although if he was being honest with himself, he probably wouldn't have noticed if it did.

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The water was hotter than it probably should be, but Sophie needed to feel it's heat at the moment. She stared at her phone, resting on the table by the claw foot tub, and sighed again.

It wouldn't ring, no matter how much she willed it to, he wouldn't call. The others would, of course, and she missed them all terribly, but she couldn't let Nathan Ford dictate her life anymore. And so they were stuck, until somebody cracked.

She dunked her head slowly under the water for a long moment before coming up again, gasping for air.

Nothing ever changed.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, or lady and redneck, as it were," Hardison grinned as he led the others to the bedroom, "My masterpiece, also known as Serenity, because yes, I am just that awesome, is complete!"

Eliot had a snarling comment on his lips about the redneck remark until he walked into the room. And suddenly, he didn't care what Hardison called him, as long as the three of them were in that bed. Naked. Like, yesterday."

"It's beautiful," Parker gasped, actually gasped, in awe.

"Ain't it just?" Hardison beamed proudly.

And it was. Long gone was the ugly metal headboard and remnants of Sally. In their place was a enormous mahogany bed frame with detailed vines what looked to be hand carved into all four posts. Midnight blue cloth draped across the top, swathing the whole bed in a shady oasis of awesome, if Hardison said so himself. The box spring was pretty standard, except a lot bigger than normal. But the mattress, it was a thing of beauty. Impossibly tall and plush and shimmering white; Eliot wanted nothing more than to sully it immediately.

"Which part is mine?" Parker asked, aiming to jump onto the bed as soon as she was given the go-ahead.

"Right there in the middle," Hardison replied, "Mine is on the right, Eliot's on the left. Well, I guess it depends which way you're looking at from, but my side is nearest to the closet and Eliot's is nearest to the door."

"You talk too much," Parker grinned, landing on the bed with a flying leap.

"The girl has a point," Eliot said, sauntering over to take his place on his side of the bed.

Hardison shook his head. Only Eliot could manage to saunter and still be manly.

"So you guys like it?" He asked, even though he knew they did.

"You. Me. Eliot. Naked, NOW." Parker demanded, pulling handcuffs out of god-knows-where.

Hardison stopped talking.

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THE END


End file.
